1st Annual "Dinner's On Me, Smartass" Competition - Bills Fans Edition

[IDBillzFan]

Brother. Sisters. Gather around and hear the sad tale of a lonely Bills fan who only wanted to spread a little love in this crazy, mixed up, bearded-chicks-having-babies world.

 

For years he put forth efforts to bring a slice of joy into otherwise humdrum offseason lives. But those efforts were smashed and tears were shed when that lone Bills fan made a rump ranger joke to the wrong moderator. And thus begin the end of a glorious time in Bills message board history.

 

But it's a new day. A new time. And now, as we watch people beg for baby formula and wake up every day to find out they put a Jeff Dunham puppet in the White House, there must be a way to lift and encourage people, and there is no better way than to follow the lead of our commander in chief and offer you the hope of being successful at something regardless of how badly we stack the cards against you.

 

Welcome to the 1st Annual "Dinner's On Me, Smartass" Competition - The Bills Fans Edition.

 

All you need to do is perfectly predict the proper wins and losses of the Buffalo Bills upcoming regular season. If you predict them perfectly, you win! And what do you win?

 

Well, it used to be a gift card to the restaurant of your choice, hence the name of the competition, but let's face it. Your fat ass doesn't need another meal. You need gas. So you can win your choice of a $150 gas card so you can fill up half your tank, OR $150 donated to the charity of your choosing provided the charity is neither The Clinton Foundation nor the Hunter Biden Laptop and Crack Pipe Recovery Center. We will award this up to five people which, for those of you who can count, is $750, also referred to as "almost 54 million Federal Ukraine Relief Bills."

 

Here are the rules as they have always been, sort of.

 

• All eligible participants must be registered posters of this board as of March 1, 2022. Anyone new to the board after that date is not eligible. Unless you're from Scotland and you're looking for advice on attending a Bills game. Then you're good.
• You must be a legal resident of the United States to accept the prize, and while we won't ask you for proof of citizenship, if you smell like you just walked across the Rio Grande, you're out.
• Regardless of how many winners there are, there are only five $150 prizes, based on time-stamped entries, with the earliest five winning the contest.
• Winners must pick all Bills wins/losses correctly. In spite of what your children are being taught in school, you do not receive anything for getting close. This is know as the Snowflake Rule. If you can't handle losing, you're welcome to sit in your Mom's basement and cry while surrounded by participation medals, Chipotle wrappers and your Preferred Pronoun Wall Chart.
• If you are a participant of this contest and at any time during this contest you are caught referring to anything related to the Patriots* without using the required asterisk, or if at any time during the season you are caught defending the Patriots* for their cheating ways, you are disqualified from the contest because there is plenty of room for fun, but no room for idiocy or laziness. They cheated. They get an asterisk. Don't like it? Invent your own freakin' contest.
• This thread will initially remain open until midnight (Macungie, PA time) next Wednesday, May 18th, at which time it will be closed and remain closed unless I feel like randomly opening it for whatever reason floats my boat.
• Each eligible participant can only put in one entry. If you feel the need to cheat, fine. You have to live with yourself and outsmarting some dude who's just trying to have fun can be your private little accomplishment.
• If, during the course of the competition, you are banned...well, that'd be funny. You get bupkis.
• Once you've made an incorrect pick, you go down in a blaze of glory and are out. Or as Willie once told Kamala, once you go down, don't bother trying to get back up.
• Non-bills fans and team-swapping whores ARE eligible to participate, but in order to qualify, you must make one joke -- good or bad -- about Tim Graham, because let's face it; there are no bad Tim Graham jokes...just bad Tim Graham articles.
• I can change the rules to accommodate loopholes I may have overlooked, because sometimes I get drunker than John Wawrow at a Hamburg Howard Johnsons Motel, but the core of the contest remains true.

 

Here are the games. Feel free to copy/paste and mark your prediction accordingly.

 

Week 1 - Bills @ Rams

Week 2 - Titans @ Bills

Week 3 - Bills @ Fish

Week 4 - Bills at Ravens

Week 5 - Steelers @ Bills

Week 6 - Bills @ Chefs

Week 8 - Packers @ Bills

Week 9 - Bills @ Jets

Week 10 - Vikes @ Bills

Week 11 - Massage Parlor Molesters @ Bills

Week 12 - Bills @ Kneecap Biters

Week 13 - Bills @ Cheateriots*

Week 14 - Jets @ Bills

Week 15 - Fish @ Bills

Week 16 - Bills @ Murder Capital of the World

Week 17 - Bills @ Cincy

Week 18 - Cheatriots* @ Bills

 

Good luck. 

 

 

 

[Crap Throwing Clavin]

I think you should post this same contest ATOP, just to piss off the mods.

[Ann]

Questions... March 1, 2022? (Not May?)

 

How can someone from Scotland asking for advice win if you must be a US resident?

 

I'm just checking that the Patriots asterisk is still working. Brady had to be changed from Marsha for seo purposes, so double checking the cheaters still have an asterisk for their "wins."

 

This is an epic write up, and a fabulous contest.  

[IDBillzFan]

1 hour ago, Crap Throwing Monkey said:

I think you should post this same contest ATOP, just to piss off the mods.

 

I haven't been banned there yet, but haven't posted there in forever.

 

 I wonder how fast the thread would last. Probably about as long as the mock "Ice" post we did years ago. I think you or someone created a fake login for me using cyrillic letters. It didn't last long, but it was funny as shit.

[IDBillzFan]

1 hour ago, Ann said:

How can someone from Scotland asking for advice win if you must be a US resident?

 

The beauty of having your own rules. 

[Taro T]

17-0 regular season.

 

The Rams & Bungles are the only question marks.  😛

[Jabba The Hutt]

18 minutes ago, Taro T said:

17-0 regular season.

 

The Rams & Bungles are the only question marks.  😛

I want to go with the 17-0 prediction but have to be realistic...the refs will probably steal 2-3 wins from us.

[CarpetCrawler]

W--Week 1 - Bills @ Rams

W--Week 2 - Titans @ Bills

W--Week 3 - Bills @ Fish

W--Week 4 - Bills at Ravens

Big W--Week 5 - Steelers @ Bills

W--Week 6 - Bills @ Chefs

W--Week 8 - Packers @ Bills

W--Week 9 - Bills @ Jets

W--Week 10 - Vikes @ Bills

W--Week 11 - Massage Parlor Molesters @ Bills

W--Week 12 - Bills @ Kneecap Biters

L--Week 13 - Bills @ Cheateriots*

W--Week 14 - Jets @ Bills

W--Week 15 - Fish @ Bills

W--Week 16 - Bills @ Murder Capital of the World

L--Week 17 - Bills @ Cincy

W--Week 18 - Cheatriots* @ Bills

[IDBillzFan]

59 minutes ago, CarpetCrawler said:

L--Week 13 - Bills @ Cheateriots*

 

Interesting selection.

[Crap Throwing Clavin]

2 hours ago, Taro T said:

17-0 regular season.

 

The Rams & Bungles are the only question marks.  😛

 

As much as I want to agree...9-6 Jacksonville.  

 

That's why I never play ID's Dinner's on Me Smartass games.  It's pretty much impossible to win...which is, of course, his point.

[Taro T]

6 minutes ago, Crap Throwing Monkey said:

 

As much as I want to agree...9-6 Jacksonville.  

 

That's why I never play ID's Dinner's on Me Smartass games.  It's pretty much impossible to win...which is, of course, his point.

 

And it would be annoying as #### to lose the contest on a Bills W.  So, at least getting knocked out of the contest will be annoying for the right reasons this way.  😉

 

[devnull]

4 hours ago, Crap Throwing Monkey said:

I think you should post this same contest ATOP, just to piss off the mods.

 

I agree

 

But IDBF should link the contest here

[KD in CA]

Week 1 - Bills @ Rams - W

Week 2 - Titans @ Bills - W

Week 3 - Bills @ Fish - W

Week 4 - Bills at Ravens - W

Week 5 - Steelers @ Bills - L   (It appears as though I may be attending this game, so naturally.....)

Week 6 - Bills @ Chefs - L

Week 8 - Packers @ Bills - W

Week 9 - Bills @ Jets - W

Week 10 - Vikes @ Bills - W

Week 11 - Massage Parlor Molesters @ Bills - W

Week 12 - Bills @ Kneecap Biters - W

Week 13 - Bills @ Cheateriots* - W

Week 14 - Jets @ Bills - W

Week 15 - Fish @ Bills - W

Week 16 - Bills @ Murder Capital of the World - W

Week 17 - Bills @ Cincy - L

Week 18 - Cheatriots* @ Bills - W

 

13-3 14-3

Edited May 14, 2022 by KD in CA

[Ann]

32 minutes ago, KD in CA said:

 

13-3

psssssssst

 

 

[Jabba The Hutt]

L--Week 1 - Bills @ Rams

W--Week 2 - Titans @ Bills

W--Week 3 - Bills @ Fish

W--Week 4 - Bills at Ravens

W--Week 5 - Steelers @ Bills

L--Week 6 - Bills @ Chefs

L--Week 8 - Packers @ Bills

W--Week 9 - Bills @ Jets

W--Week 10 - Vikes @ Bills

W--Week 11 - Massage Parlor Molesters @ Bills

W--Week 12 - Bills @ Kneecap Biters

W--Week 13 - Bills @ Cheateriots*

W--Week 14 - Jets @ Bills

W--Week 15 - Fish @ Bills

W--Week 16 - Bills @ Murder Capital of the World

W--Week 17 - Bills @ Cincy

W--Week 18 - Cheatriots* @ Bills

 

Can't stop Cooper Kupp  I punch myself in the balls every time I see him make a catch knowing he should be ours. Josh Allen makes Beane trade for him in the off season. I see Josh Allen with 3 Passing TDs and 2 Rushing TDs but Kupp hauls in 6 TDs...

 

Chefs and Packers are stolen by the refs.

 

14-3

[CarpetCrawler]

4 hours ago, IDBillzFan said:

 

Interesting selection.

I figured there would be one game when the stars were aligned against us, or the refs would hose us, or something weird would happen, and this seemed like one where it could happen. 

[Seasons1992]

Week 1 - Bills @ Rams

Week 2 - Titans @ Bills

Week 3 - Bills @ Fish

Week 4 - Bills at Ravens

Week 5 - Steelers @ Bills

Week 6 - Bills @ Chefs

Week 8 - Packers @ Bills

Week 9 - Bills @ Jets

Week 10 - Vikes @ Bills

Week 11 - Massage Parlor Molesters @ Bills

Week 12 - Bills @ Kneecap Biters

Week 13 - Bills @ Cheateriots*

Week 14 - Jets @ Bills

Week 15 - Fish @ Bills

Week 16 - Bills @ Murder Capital of the World

Week 17 - Bills @ Cincy

Week 18 - Cheatriots* @ Bills

 

[Fansince88]

I can not see a game we cant win. I would hate to pick a loss because I hate my lack of hope to be their downfall. I would rather loose by being wrong with anything less than 17-0. Thats my final choice!

[Uncle Joe]

W Week 1 - Bills @ Rams

W Week 2 - Titans @ Bills

W Week 3 - Bills @ Fish

L Week 4 - Bills at Ravens

W Week 5 - Steelers @ Bills

L Week 6 - Bills @ Chefs

W Week 8 - Packers @ Bills

W Week 9 - Bills @ Jets

W Week 10 - Vikes @ Bills

W Week 11 - Massage Parlor Molesters @ Bills

W Week 12 - Bills @ Kneecap Biters

L Week 13 - Bills @ Cheateriots*

W Week 14 - Jets @ Bills

W Week 15 - Fish @ Bills

W Week 16 - Bills @ Murder Capital of the World

L Week 17 - Bills @ Cincy

W Week 18 - Cheatriots* @ Bills

[snafu]

4 hours ago, Seasons1992 said:

Week 1 - Bills @ Rams

Week 2 - Titans @ Bills

Week 3 - Bills @ Fish

Week 4 - Bills at Ravens

Week 5 - Steelers @ Bills

Week 6 - Bills @ Chefs

Week 8 - Packers @ Bills

Week 9 - Bills @ Jets

Week 10 - Vikes @ Bills

Week 11 - Massage Parlor Molesters @ Bills

Week 12 - Bills @ Kneecap Biters

Week 13 - Bills @ Cheateriots*

Week 14 - Jets @ Bills

Week 15 - Fish @ Bills

Week 16 - Bills @ Murder Capital of the World

Week 17 - Bills @ Cincy

Week 18 - Cheatriots* @ Bills

 

You missed Week 12.

Don't want you to be DQ’d.