A Quick Laugh to Get By

[Nanker]

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the ‘T’ shirt that she normally slept in.

 

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!”

 

My eyes lit up and I thought, “I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!” Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then Gave it my all, right there on the kitchen table.

 

Afterwards she said, “Thanks,” and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

 

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, “What was that all about?”

 

She explained, “The egg timer’s broken.”

 

[Foxx]

[Nanker]

A man heard his wife call to him from the other room. “Do you have sharp pains in your chest like someone is stabbing a voodoo doll?”
“No”, he answered. 
“How about now?” She said. 

[B-Man]

A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience.

The man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew."

"Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?"

"Yes he did," the man replied.

"And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?"

"Yes he did," the man replied.

"And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?"

"Just once," the man replied.

The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?"

 

The man said, "I was looking for my father."

[Keukasmallie]

[Keukasmallie]

[B-Man]

[Nanker]

A woman went to her Dr.‘s office and asked him to give her a prescription for birth control pills. 
The Dr. was surprised and said, Martha, you’ve been a patient of mine for over 30 years, and you are 75. Why do you want to have a prescription for birth control pills?

They help me sleep at night, she said. 
How do they do that? her Dr. asked?

She said, I put one in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better. 

[Nanker]

Hearing about Cole Beasley’s knee and groin injuries, a Bills Mafia member decided to write Jesus a letter. 
He started out, “Dear Jesus, I’m one of the faithful, and I want you to know.”

He stopped and crumpled the unfinished letter and started over again. 
“Dear Jesus, your faithful following in Buffalo is depending on.”

He stopped again and crumpled the second letter. 
He then went into his mother’s room and took her statue of the Virgin Mary and put it into his closet and locked it there. 
He started to write the letter one more time. 
“Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again,”

[B-Man]

 

 

 

 

[B-Man]

[Chef Jim]

27 minutes ago, B-Man said:

 

What did she run a DNA test on it?  "I have no idea honey.  It was kinda windy last night." 

[Foxx]

https://twitter.com/ScottDuncanWX/status/1348871774012891136

 

 

[devnull]

An old man with dementia and a hooker walk into a bar.  Oh wait nevermind, that was the inauguration.

[Foxx]

https://twitter.com/wspolice/status/1352375038004129794

 

[mead107]

 

[mead107]

Mittens from the Vermont company have gone through the roof. 
 

[Ann]

 

[Foxx]

 

[Foxx]

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84kXAvEc_20